Impact Statement: (May 15, 2006) Albany County Court, NY
At first, I wasn’t going to make a statement. But after I thought about it for a while, I realized that it’s something that I need to do, not just for me, but also for the boys. You can sit there and let your imagination run wild with all the pain that you caused the boys and me, but you will never know how deep the pain goes.
You took it upon yourself to destroy our family and you made that choice. But now, me and the boys are picking up the pieces and building our new family. Here you sit and I have no idea what you are thinking, and you know what, I don’t care. You got a two-year sentence. Well, I got a lifetime sentence. A lifetime of pain, not just my physical and emotional pain, but also the pain I see every day when the boys talk about their “old father.”
I didn’t destroy the image of their father. You did. Two of our boys watched as you beat and almost killed their mother. They actually wished they had one opportunity to see you, just to tell you how they feel about you. They have so much buried anger deep inside them, but fortunately, they have a lot of support to help them through that.
I don’t know if you want to apologize or not, but don’t ever do that. You always told me that if you were sorry, you’d never do it in the first place. But I honestly don’t believe that you’re sorry. I don’t think you have one ounce of remorse for what you did to me. You always told me that you had no conscience and I believe that’s true. If you do feel sorry in the least bit, it’s probably because of the punishment, not the crime itself.
I knew our marriage was falling apart, but I never realized that you hated me and hated me so much that you wanted me dead.
I have news for you. I did die that day. And then I was born again, a whole new woman. Hey, I’ve got a new face thanks to you. My face is in pain every day, and there’s a chance that I will never completely heal. I’m reminded of what you did to me every time I look in the mirror.
I won’t be your victim anymore. I won’t be anyone’s victim. I intend to live my life as if it’s the last day I’ve got on this earth, and I will take care of our boys until they can take care of themselves.
I don’t know you anymore and you have no idea who I am anymore. Your wife died. Leave it at that.
Don’t blame me or anyone or anything else for your problems. Don’t even try to think this was my fault in anyway. It wasn’t. It was all yours. I hope the time you spend in prison will give you time to think about everything you lost. Where you’re probably concerned about all your material things you lost, the largest and most prized thing you had was your family. Now it’s gone. The four of us are a family and you’re no longer part of it.
I hope that God can forgive you, because I never will.
All artwork on this blog is created by me.
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